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Holiday Gift Guide
Have you been naughty or nice?
Throughout the year I attend events and conventions, hobnob at
parties and meet all sorts of interesting people. And I always seem to
stumble upon products I find stimulating. In the spirit of the season,
I'm sharing a few of them with you. Some are distinctly sexual, while
others are just plain fun. Either way, they'll provide you with
gift-giving options. Or assist you with your list for Santa! Ho Ho
Whoa!
Fashion Accessories
I can never resist the allure of the wasp waist. Mine especially! So
I'm always on the lookout for new corsetmakers. There are plenty of
corsetiers out there eager to sell you a decorative design and all of
the best companies use serious boning. Amy Crowder of Wasp Creations is
a tightlacer herself, with a wildly waspish waist, so she understands
corseting inside and out-literally. Her array of styles ranges from
short pieces for ease of mobility to highly restrictive styles for
bondage and discipline play, each made from an individualized pattern,
cut from a wide selection of fabrics, including leather, and featuring
hand-cut steel stays and strong metal hardware. Visit Amy online at www.waspcreations.com.
In my never-ending search for yet one more custom corset, I found the
kiln-fired, body hugging, one-of-a-kind works of art created by Nicole Moan.
Nicole Moan. Her designs feature sweeping curlicues, fierce flames,
sculpted nipples or simulated fabric. If the thought of wearing one
sounds a bit too uncomfortable, perhaps you'd prefer to display one.
In addition to corsets, my other wardrobe obsession is shoes, and
inexpensive shoes are especially exciting. And with a hard-to-fit foot
like mine, that's usually limited to orthopedic grandma shoes or
six-inch hooker stilettos, I was thrilled to discover Retro Diva!
They carry an astounding selection of chunky platforms, adorable Mary
Janes and sexy ankle strap styles, almost all of which are available in
size 6 to 12! That would be thrilling enough, but with prices ranging
from $30 to $75, I can afford to buy a bunch! I have four - count 'em,
four! - pairs of fuzzy boots from this company. Now that's a ringing
endorsement.
In my never-ending search for obscene shirts, I found PimpIt.com,
where they have a T that says "I'm Dirk Diggler and You're Not."
Somehow the word pimp has become synonymous with the successful sexual
adventurer-or something along those lines! Everyone wants in on the
pimpfest! If you'd prefer to be less obvious, how about their
Chochie/Dirk Diggler shirt? It's a cool two-tone retro bowling shirt
style with martini glass buttons sure to make any woman coo, "Ooh, let
me undo those for you!" The site is full of wink-and-a-nod clothing for
the sexually sophisticated hipster.
Thirsty?
Okay, so I drink a lot. And it's mostly beer. But there's one other
beverage that can put me in the mood…in less than a six pack! It's
Sparks. Yup, and I especially enjoy the new Sparks Black. More bang for
your buck, so to speak. I also occasionally enjoy an energy drink. But
what about bottled sex? I found Xcite,
labeled as "the ultimate erotic energizer," at the Exotic Erotic Ball.
Their secret ingredient is Schizandra, an ancient Asian supplement from
a little red berry. The beverage also contains the usual energy drink
chemicals: taurine, ginseng, guarana and ginko biloba, and comes in
passion fruit or wild berry. They really can't guarantee a truly erotic
experience with every bottle, but perhaps the power of suggestion will
prove to be sufficient inspiration.
Adult Toys
I find the most interesting - and eerie - items at the bi-annual Chiller convention and when I spotted Teddy Scares,
it was obsession at first sight. These frightening stuffed collectible
bears are straight out of your worst nightmares. They are "the toys you
let fall by the wayside, back to exact their revenge, 12 inches of
teddy bear terror." The detail on them is incredible: embroidered
tattoos, removable clothing, even toe tags! I was especially charmed by
Edwin Morose, the pathetic poet. Cue The Smiths! The full-size bears
are available in limited collector's editions; series one has sold out
so when series two goes on sale scramble for your scary friends fast!
Or pick up the six inch Morgue Minis zipped into little body bags;
they're slightly less scarce. I'm not sure they'd make the most
romantic gift, but if you're friends with the sort of strange people I
am, they might win someone's heart. Or pierce it!
And if your friends enjoy Teddy Scares, perhaps they'll equally love Toxic Teddies:
a chainsaw teddy, suicidal teddy, two-headed mutant teddy. We
especially love their Ramones bears, the only licensed likenesses of
America's favorite punk rockers. In keeping with the kink, though,
isRubba, a hooded honey-licker in bondage gear, and the adorable
kneeling bear bound into a straightjacket.
Or how about a collection of adult-themed dolls? You're never too old
to play with dolls, right? Especially the gothy, fetishy, frisky little
Begoth dolls by Bleeding
Edge. These creepy collectibles are crafted with meticulous detail:
facial piercings, spooky contact lenses, fur boas and corsets that
actually lace up. Each doll has her own name, bio and MySpace page and
they appear to mirror the real life tattooed fetish babes you'll find
on RubberDollies.com or other alt.porn sites. And I'm sure they'll work
well in your fantasy role play games!
Does watching Asian bondage fetish videos gets you all hot and
bothered? If so, perhaps you'd enjoy seeing your favorite scenarios in
sculpted 3-D splendor. Ero-Pon, a
Japanese company, produces "the ultimate eroticism figurines," created
by two skilled artists. Japanese Kimono Style Tight Binding stars a
submissive Geisha and "Sacrifice of Rose" is based on a story from the
early "Showa" period. The "Enema Cluster" figurine is especially kinky;
a reclined woman displays a flower arrangement in her ass. Ah-so! Their
latest collection, "The World of Master Yoji Muku," brings the erotic
cartoon master's comic book creations to life. For the carnal
connoisseur collector.
Playing Games
Remember "Memory?" That game where you turn over cards to match them?
It's the same principle as the old TV game show Concentration. Well the
Erotic Memory Game has 18 wooden blocks illustrating artistic
interpretations of sex acts. You can make a drinking game of it or,
more obviously, a sex game! Whatever you use them for as an end result,
they'll look great just sitting on your coffee table in the meantime.
And they'll telegraph to guests that not only are you erotically
sophisticated, you're also sexually playful!
For a more interesting game of regular ol' cards, how about "playing"
with my friend Bambi? You've heard me marvel at her amazing Mermaid
Parade costumes. Now you can keep a poker face with her 52 Freak Pin-Up
photos, all shot at Coney Island and other suitably sideshowesque
locales. They aren't just cheesecake, they're pure, pasteurized,
processed and packaged cheese. Her girlie cards are reverently old
school, but they're not all nudity. You only get 16 nipples and there's
never a peek of pink. What you do get is kitschy Americana served up
with a healthy dose of hilarity. You can pick up a set of girlie cards
at CornStar.com.
If you'd rather use cards to predict the future, I can recommend the lovely Abyssal Tarot.
The deck is a gallery of images, glorious, flowing underwater
photographs by Shelly Corbett, and features a decade of her work.
However non-traditional the images may be, the deck is aligned with the
Rider-Waite tradition, and the accompanying booklet will guide you
through the arcana. Each package of the limited 1000 copies is a
collector's piece, individually numbered and signed by the artist and
author.
Seriously Sexy Stuff
A diamond may be a girl's best friend, but what about a gem-studded butt plug? Good Vibrations
calls these little babies Sparkle Plugs and we appreciate the play on
words. The adorable ass toy comes in two sizes, medium (1 1/4" wide, 2
1/2" long) or large (1 3/8" wide, 3" long), both capped with a
glittering Swarovski crystal and crafted of hefty stainless steel that
retains both heat and cold. It might not be the right engagement gift,
but I bet everyone would enjoy one!
It's always interesting how people deal with their sex toys. Do they
display them prominently or stash them away? The folks from ForYourNymphomation
have designed an entire line dedicated to caching your condoms and
cradling your vibrators. Each cute case would be just another change
purse if it weren't for their branded glow in the dark zipper pulls so
you can find them in the dark! Or what about their security details:
padlock and keys? The Foot Long case will hold all kinds of kinky
stuff, but if you've got enough toys for a full-on party, you might
need the Adult Toybox. My favorites are the condom cases in beaded
skull and crossbones, stiletto boot or bad girl motifs.
I spotted this distinct bit of packaging in one of AVN's sex toy editions and just loved the look of it. Tasty Edible Flavored Body Powders
are packaged in elegant glass and silver shakers that look like they
might've come as a wedding present. And there's something about the
shape that's slightly suggestive, even if it is just an innocent
shaker. It's so innocuous you could set it on the dinner table and your
mother-in-law would never even notice!
I discovered the folks of Ruff Doggie Styles
vending at the Exotic Erotic Ball. They specialize in extra cute
paddles and BDSM accessories. We were tickled-okay, spanked-by their
S&M Snowman, Spider Web Spank-HER and Teddy Bear paddle, all made
of fine leather with embroidered details. Also adorable: The Naughty
L'il School Girl Ruler, perfect for making sure your partner "measures
up."
I found the BDSM accoutrements by DeTails Toys
at a Eulenspiegel Society event. They're all hand made by Domina Skye,
a professional dominatrix as well as a friend of mine. She specializes
in floggers and her signature piece is the Rose Flogger and The Love
Hurts model has little hearts on the end of each lash.
Bedside Reading
Eros Zine columnist Midori is my favorite sexual adventurer. She
travels the world lecturing about kink and living it 24-7 as well, so
she knows what she's talkin' about. Her HYPERLINK
"http://eroszine.com/articles/2005-08-30/midori0830/"Wild Side Sex: The
Book of Kink is full of tantalizing essays on erotic humiliation,
sexual freedom and empowerment, fetishism, bondage, sex in public and
my personal favorite, "Is Your Prospect a Proper Pervert?" It takes one
to know one and Midori can spot a kinkster from a mile off!
You can read dozens of books and blogs, watch films and documentaries,
all focusing on the dominant, whether they're male or female,
lifestyler or professional. We don't often hear the submissive's side
of the story-or relationship-because they are, obviously, the "bottom."
Enter The Pleasure's All Mine: The Memoir of a Professional Submissive
by Joan Kelly. Between these pages, Ms. Kelly shares her experiences as
well as the many self-discoveries she makes along the way through
several years of sex work at the knees of paying customers.
We've all experienced it: the walk of shame that often follows a night
of drunken sex. Robin Anderton and Jay Desario have finally given all
us slutty alcoholics a guide to making that shameful morning stroll
more successful. Walk of Shame: The Survival Guide offers comprehensive
tips to help you navigate the oh-too-sunny streets with a tad more
decorum. Fashion tips, hilarious historical anecdotes and all sorts of
astrological and alcoholic beverage, plus a "Make Your Own Toothpaste"
are humorous as hell. Sure, the book may appear to appeal to college
students, I personally know people well into their forties who are
still making those walks of shame.
I was walking through the Metreon mall in San Francisco when I spotted
a display of photographs that looked vaguely familiar. Well, of course,
they were shot on the playa…at Burning Man. Upon closer inspection, I
found a book of the pictures by photographer Patrick Roddie. Shot over
three years at the Folsom Street Fair, Burning Man festival and
Decompression event, Gay Pride and other fabulous freakfests, his
photos focus on just one particular body part: Hips, and they are
simultaneously radically different and surprisingly similar. It doesn't
hurt that his subjects are probably the most colorful collection of
humans; their frills and fringe, tattoos and piercings, fishnets and
glitter make each photo visually entertaining and entirely unique.
In case you haven't noticed, Pirates are the new black. Everyone's
wearing the skull and crossbones, and striped tights are all the rage.
And I find it sexy as hell. Were you one of the many slurring "Aargh!"
on International Talk Like a Pirate Day? It was September 19, so you
can always start practicing for next year. Or you can pick up
Pirattitude! So You Want to Be a Pirate? Here's How! and really hone
your skills. The book is full of all you'll need to be a proper modern
day swashbuckler. Eye patch optional.
But back to real sex! Carly Milne worked in porn PR and was an
associate editor of industry bible AVN. Naked Ambition is her first
book, an anthology of work by 31 women in the adult entertainment
industry, with work by porn star and Penthouse Pet Tera Patrick, web
maven Danni Ashe and Nina Hartley, among others. The women expound on
their "personal histories, thoughts, and passions to underscore the
profound influence that porn has had in liberating a newer, younger
generation of women by claiming their sexual lives on their own terms."
Aural Excitement
The elegantly presented Podgasmic is the latest entry in the burgeoning
field of audio dirty stories. These tantalizing tales are accompanied
by cool mood music and appropriate sound effects, for example gently
crashing surf behind a story of an erotic beach encounter or the bleeps
and blips of a hospital room in a nurse fantasy. It's like fireside
storytelling combined with the audio track of a porn movie -- the best
of both worlds, without the distraction of visuals. Visit www.podgasmic.com.
Yes, often the orgasmic sounds of lovemaking can be more arousing than
the visuals. Sometimes just listening to a porn movie gets me going. TriTriad Productions
offers a product with a selection of orgasms, laughter and pillow talk
set to pulsing electronica music, with surprisingly inspiring results.
TriTriadProductions' releases include Live Orgasms in Concert and
Purely Natural.
Brian and Catherine began their erotic CD company Soundserotic
in response to their own personal needs. We think their stroke of
genius will benefit anyone juggling a busy schedule and a time-crunched
sex life. You can buy a compilation CD or download single stories.
Though their web site recommends listening to their erotic stores in
the car, tub or bed, we believe it might be advisable to stick to solid
ground.
That's about it for this year's gift roundup. Whatever gifts you decide to bestow this season, have a safe and happy one!
[Written Nov. 2006]
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