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Archival Abby
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The Muse
Art-Inspired Porn
Starring: Stormy Daniels, Audrey Bitoni, Gianna Lynn, Jade Starr, Kayla
Paige, Marlie Moore, Chris Cannon, Derrick Pierce, Johnny Castle,
Marcus London, Randy Spiers and Voodoo.
Directed by Michael Raven.
Will Appeal To: Couples
From: Wicked
2006
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I never report in with a negative
review. That’s partly a company policy and also because I can almost
always find something positive to say about porn. What may not be my
cup of tea might work for a couple, a hard core consumer or a woman
who’s never seen an adult movie in her life. Different strokes,
don’tcha know.
To ensure that my viewing includes a wide selection of genres within
the adult entertainment milieu, I watch it all: couples porn of the
Candida Royal variety, instructional stuff from Nina Hartley and her
peers, artsy works by Michael Ninn, et al, as well as vids that some
might find objectionable, like gonzos by Max Hardcore or Rob Black. And
while I prefer to review the edgier alt.porn—the avant of Joe Gallant,
say, or pseudo-underground directors Porno Jim and Audacia Ray—in an
effort to cover all my bases I will occasionally pop one of the more
mainstream vids into my disc drive. There are, of course, hundreds of
titles, with their effusive box cover copy and splashy promotions,
trying to come off oh-so-Hollywood.
I’m often leery of these as they rarely deliver on the promised appeal,
but I’ll admit to being seduced by the box cover of The Muse, a Stormy
Daniels vehicle from Wicked. “Love. Lust. Desires. Dreams. Of the
elements that have inspired art throughout the ages, these remain the
most powerful and seductive of themes,” reads the gushing promo copy.
Heh, we’ll see, eh?
Scene one opens on Randy Spears sketching Stormy as a blonde goddess.
He starts a slo-mo seduction with lotsa licking and poking before she
blows him in the world’s most preposterous position. (Yeah, I always
suck cock with my toes pointed!) We weren’t off to a very auspicious
start.
Thankfully things were rectified in my favorite scene, starring Kayla
and Derrick silhouetted in a doorway…nipple licking and cock
sucking…all very music video. The blue-hued high-contrast shots are
intercut with fully lit color shots as they fuck in a few fairly
unlikely positions. I don’t think I could manage getting screwed while
doing a standing split. This scene’s hot cause, well, maybe it’s just
me, but it could be the basement of a sleazy club. And oooh, when he
sprays on Kayla’s face, her mascara is running in the most deliciously
sloppy fashion! I had to press Pause so I could fully appreciate the
effect. And were those boobs real? Awesome! Ahem.
Sporting an amazing lacy bodystocking and crowned with gold tinsel wig,
Stormy bumps and grinds to an Enigma rip-off in scene three. We see
Voodoo positioned beneath her, slurping her snatch through the hole of
her crotchless ensemble. When they 69, she works up copious saliva,
giving his dick an appetizingly greasy sheen. By the time he’s taking
her from behind that bodystocking has some lovely runs in it. Nice!
Chris Cannon, in an appalling poet’s shirt, is paired with Gianna for a
vaguely Victorian vignette. (I gotta say, bad tramp stamps truly ruin
period pieces!) The set is gorgeous: red upholstered walls and a faux
antique couch. But the harpsichord music was a tad distracting. Next!
Finally in scene five we get the best eye candy, a nod to pop art, with
Stormy, Audrey, Marcus and Johnny in a four-way couch orgy. It’s all
go-go boots and bossanova, big hoop earrings and Pucci prints, martinis
and olives and colorful Lucite décor. There’s making out and
girl-girl action, dueling doinking in three eye-popping positions and a
last minute partner swap. I was mostly amused until Stormy’s moans
don’t match up with her mouth. But you’ll get some great ideas for your
next theme-inspired sex party!
Okay, so overall not a totally glowing review. It took watching the
Behind the Scenes footage for me to grasp the premise of The Muse; it’s
based—very loosely—on different art styles: classical, impressionism,
modern, pop art…um-hmmm. But I DID find a few positives, right?
The guys are totally cut, with great muscle definition and even tans,
though you barely get to see their faces. It’s definitely about the
babes, who are certainly all quite stunning. Plus they look great with
their mouths stuffed full of cock. There are some yummy extras: a bonus
sex scene with Stormy and Voodoo, Star Stats and Galleries, Behind the
Scenes, Photo Gallery and more. I was somewhat disappointed that Jade
Starr and Marlie Moore don’t appear in any sex scenes, cause they’re
pretty hot. They do, however, show up in the aforementioned Galleries.
Sigh. I may not be the target market for Wicked’s vids, but they do put
out an attractive product.
[Written Dec. 2007]
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