Editrix Abby |
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HomedicsQuad MassagerIn my position as official sex toy reviewer, I can get my sweaty palms on just about every gizmo out there. I’ve stroked, vibrated and pogo-sticked (stuck?) my way through orgasm after orgasm, all in the interest of enlightening you, my faithful readers. I pride myself on keeping “abreast” of the newest additions to the pantheon of playthings, the cutting edge inventions and most stimulating stimulators. So I must admit, I was pretty surprised when I spotted my latest obsession this past Halloween, dangling as an accessory on my friends’ spaceman costumes. That’s right, the cutest creature-like vibrators were hanging from adorable little hooks that were themselves massage toys! I cooed and oohed over the matching sets the couple had attached to their intergalactic uniforms.And where did they suggest I pick up the handy dandy diddler? Right here on Earth at Bed Bath & Beyond, of all places! I got myself there, post haste, the following day. That’s right, The Homedics Quad Massager was there in the aisles between the magnifying mirrors and bath towels. Available in pink, blue or lime green, I chose the pink; why not, eh? The little gizmo looks like a fictional creature or space mobile: a grabbable handle and four little massaging balls that—oh boy!—magically light up when it vibrates! Eager to see how well the unofficial sex toy performed, I immediately put it to work in what was purely a git ‘er done manner—no foreplay or fanfare—and it totally did the trick! The drawback was that my finger fell asleep pressing down the TRY ME button that make the damn thing vibrate. Only after closer inspection (and after orgasmic interlude number two…in a far more reflective mood, perhaps) did I notice the tiny pull tab. I pulled it, as one might expect (and as one should’ve done earlier), and gleefully discovered that once pulled, the TRY ME button now worked as an ON/OFF button. Hooray! (Oh, and the TRY ME sticker is, um, removable too.) Putting it to use without having to keep that button pressed was far superior. It felt great buzzing every part of my body and even functioned in a “no hands” position. The one-speed vibrate setting is perfect: not too light and not too intense. It didn’t take long till I was experiencing “Quad”-ruple pleasure! The bonus here is that you get not one point of pleasure but four, which could be your perineum or inner thigh muscles (more like the muscles surrounding your pussy). Oh! And did I mention that those vibrating balls light up? Yup, so your clit will literally glow with excitement! Wheeeee! Only after enjoying the company of The Quad did I further research the Homedics web site. I mean, why look at real massagers—as opposed to sex toys—when I have carte blanche to every erotic gizmo out there? Not surprisingly, they have a few other viable options in their Handheld Massagers category: the R2D2-esque Atom, the space module-like Mini and the nubbly Nerf Ball-ish Spot. They are all $9.99, as was my four-balled friend. I did not, however, find the Quad on the site, so you may have to trek out to your local Bed Bath & Beyond! Okay, so the drawbacks with the Quad are that it isn’t immerse-able and only has one speed. In other words, it’s a fairly low tech toy. But on the plus side, it isn’t a sex toy, it’s a massager! Which means you can leave it on your coffee table and not be mortified when the in-laws drop by. And did I mention that the little balls light up? As an added aside: The dog truly enjoys the actual massaging action as much, if not more, than I do! Not to mention that no doubt your date won’t mind having his (or her) muscles trembled by The Homedics Quad Massager, either in a purely therapeutic manner or as foreplay to a more strenuous encounter. In any event, it was a joy to discover that not all my self-pleasuring mechanisms need to come from the sex toy catalogs! Which I suppose isn’t big news to those of you who get off sitting on your washing machine… [Written Nov. 2007] |
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