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Archival Abby
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Vegas Parties!
Avoiding the AEE and Having Fun Anyway!
The Adult Entertainment Expo just doesn't do it for me
anymore. After more than a decade of being jostled by porn-hungry fans
eager to photograph oversized boobies, I've become not just jaded but
bored. Ditto that on the dull industry parties, where you wait in a
huge line, get bossed around by assorted bouncers, only to finally get
inside to find overpriced booze, few (if any) of the promised porn
stars and a slobbering sausagefest of, yes, more porn-hungry fans.
Sigh. What's a party girl to do?
Well, throw a few of her own parties, to start with. But in the absence
of my own soiree, I'd gladly settle for something more intimate, which
is what happened on my first night in Vegas. Ron Royster slipped
me an invitation to his cocktail party at The Vegas Pimp House, which
sounded great. After an incredible dinner of not just networking but
sincere conversation with Regina Lynn of Wired.com, Freddy and Eddy, Sliquid entrepreneur Dean Elliott and more, Jamye Waxman and I cabbed it out into the hinterlands (read 15 minutes off the Strip) and were the first guests to arrive.
Ron put Ms. Waxman to work slicing cheese and we watched his amazing
movie Atomic Vixens on the wide-screen TV. As other guests began to
arrive, I dipped into the beer stash: a few cases of PBR on ice in the
bathtub. Nice! Pretty soon the place was full of alt porn types and a
surprisingly large contingent of New Yorkers. There also seemed to be a
high percentage of burners, which always makes for more fun in my book!
Clown Porn cuties Dick Chibbles, Daisy and Holly Stevens showed up, as
well as director Benny Profane, Fleshbot contributor Audacia Ray, newcomer director/auteur Porno Jim and his delightful date Dicie, photographer Bob Coulter and other hipster sorts. When the fabulous side show sweethearts Andrew and Kellie
arrived and asked, "Who's ready to see the world's largest genital
piercing?" the crowd responded in the affirmative. Andrew dropped his
pants and proffered his penis, along with the enormous ring riding in
the skin between said penis and his dangling balls. "It's big enough to
be a bracelet!" someone exclaimed and I enthusiastically slipped my
hand into the ring.
Their ridiculousness continued when it was time for Pussy Darts. Kellie
slid her skirt up, inserted a blow dart gun into her snatch and took
aim at the balloons Andrew had attached to his naked body. How's that
for trust? In between some near misses that stuck into the kitchen wall
she popped a few and we onlookers went wild with every explosion.
Andrew later sealed his rep as a complete freak by diving into the
freezing cold swimming pool. Naked, of course. And the evening's freak
show finale was fire spinning and hula hooping by the lovely Ali, who'd
traveled all the way from North Carolina to partake in the madness.
Jamye and I bumbled back to our shared hotel room at the glamorous
Frontier sometime around 2am. Oy. And that was just the first night!
Wait! No it wasn't! Reverse! Although it doesn't have much to do with
the AEE, my actual first night in Vegas was Tuesday night and just
because I didn't have an adult party to attend, don't think I didn't
drink! I met a friend who was in town for CES at the Circle Bar and we
had ourselves a few beers. Before we knew it, we were surrounded by her
cohorts and on our way to crashing the PC Magazine party at Postino.
(Okay, truly I was the only party crasher, as it wasn't my purview. But
we all felt like crashers, even if it was my friend's actual
competition.) As I always say, free drinks are awesome! Within the
brief hour we were there I managed to suck down a couple of Coronas,
chat up a few PC Mag PR babes and totally piss off a Wall Street
Journal writer whose tech beat is Microsoft. Hahah! Urp.
Okay, so let's fast forward back to - where was I? - Thursday night. Jamye and I stopped into the Adam & Eve party at V Bar, where we hung out with Candida Royalle and AVN's
Jared Rutter, to name a few. I couldn't stay long because I had a party
of my own to host. I'd hoped to throw a Mondo Porno that night but due
to the severe flakeage of my friend the "Vegas promoter," I was left
without a venue, as was Ron Royster. So the two of us had collaborated,
via phone and very last minute, on a Porn Star Karaoke night at Hidden
Secrets. I had no idea where the place was. I just booked my pals Velocity Chyalld and Pink Snow
and promised to show up in proper attire for emceeing an evening of
silliness. And silliness is exactly what we got. The club was way off
the beaten path (read NOT across the street from Mandalay Bay, as
promised, but behind and across a freeway from Mandalay Bay) and a
former topless club. Which meant that the manager was running the place
as though there were still bare titties.
Almost the entire contingent from the previous evening's festivities
showed up, with a few extra New Yorkers and other alt industry folks as
well, including the delightfully debonair and tantalizingly tall Gram Ponante,
"America's porn journalist." We all got good and sloshed and made asses
of ourselves on the stripper pole, singing bad karaoke. Jamye Waxman
was especially awesome with her rendition of "Sweet Cherry Pie" and
Gram's interpretation of Neil Diamond's "Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon"
left me swooning. We actually went back to Circle Bar at some ungodly
hour and I can barely remember going up to my hotel room. Suffice it to
say, more hilarity ensued. Jeeebus, where's my reality TV crew? My life
is infinitely more interesting than anything I've seen thus far…
Friday night there were all sorts of industry events and I simply
couldn't motivate myself to wait in any of their lines. Instead, I
warmed up with a few more beers at, yes, Circle Bar, and corralled a
bunch of unsuspecting strangers -- and some predictably suspecting
friends -- for the first of our two suite parties. You see, the past
two years I'd wound up in a suite party at the Venetian following the
AVN Awards and met the guys who hosted. Last year's suite seemed a
little small. And when a friend from Manhattan who attends my sexy
soirees offered one of his luxury suites -- all two bedroom, three
bathroom, baby grand piano and flat screen TVs of them -- for a party,
I immediately began hatching my plan. It worked out even better than
I'd imagined, with not one but two luxury suites, plus a regular ol'
sweet suite for me. Thanks, Doug!
Anyway, the big bash was to be Saturday night, but the boys wanted to
have a more intimate evening Friday and I helped supply the talent. I
mean guests. There were a few couples with fetishy leanings, swingers
and spankers and a bunch of my New York friends, including Penthouse
Forum and Girls of Penthouse editor Eric Danville, in addition to a few
more representatives of the alt porn world: Eon McKai, Ron Royster, et
al. Fleshbot editor John D. was in attendance as well, with his adorable friend Nick.
And I knew things were just perfect when the outrageous sideshow freaks
from Wednesday night, Andrew and Kellie, showed up. Yay! They gave us a
repeat presentation of Pussy Darts, as well as an encore unveiling of
Andrew's genital piercing. But the most fun part of the night resulted
from Nick insisting that someone get into the Jacuzzi bathtub full of
bubbles. I had to admit they were tempting, so I pressed the on button
for the Jacuzzi jets and watched the pile of bubbles rise. Scooping up
a handful, I started blowing them at people. Soon it was a full-on
bubble war, with everyone wearing big blobs of foam; it was
surprisingly, um, firm. I hear there was some fucking in that firm
foam, but I didn't witness it firsthand; I was busy watching pussy
darts. Ahem. The return to my room is hazy, at best...
Saturday night I trekked all the way to the other end of the Strip to
watch the stars walk the red carpet into the AVN Awards and, while it
wasn't a total waste of time, it wasn't exactly the Oscars, either. But
it was fun to see what the starlets were wearing and watch the hoi
polloi get all excited about seeing Ron Jeremy. And Gene Simmons. From
there I met friends and we attempted to attend the AltMaker's Ball.
Doors were supposed to be at 10 and when they still had us waiting
outside in the cold at 11:15 we decided it just wasn't worth it. On we
went to the Venetian and up I went to the suite, where the party was
already in full swing. Hah, get it? Officially billed as The 5th Annual
Adult Industry Party, with numerous names associated with the hosting
and presenting - including mine! - this was the big night I'd been
looking forward to. Professional photographer James Campbell was set up
in one room to capture anyone game for a shoot and a DJ was spinning in
the living room, where a St. Andrew's Cross and stripper pole awaited
some action. But best of all, there was an open bar! I began taking
advantage of that immediately!
It didn't take long for the place to fill up with dozens of swingers
and players, both local and from around the country, plus just about
the entire cast of characters I'd been partying with the previous
nights. Ron Jeremy made a brief appearance, as did Dick Chibbles and
Daisy. Velocity and Pink stopped in, David Aaron Clark showed up on the
late side with Gram Ponante, Porno Jim and Dicie were there till the
very end, Kink.com mastermind Peter Acworth showed up when the party was at its apex and I was happy to see Polly Pandemonium
had taken me up on my invitation to attend with her friend David, a
fetish event producer from London. The two Jacuzzi bathtubs stood
empty, much to my dismay, so I took it upon myself, in collusion with
the cute and charming Tyler from Portland, to fill one up with four
bottles of bubble bath. Again, with the press of a button we had mounds
of suds spilling out onto the bathroom floor and again I started a
bubble war. This time the end result was three hot half-naked babes
being tied up in bondage by a guy in nothing but a kilt.
I finally dragged my ass home at about 5:30 in the morning, carrying my
shoes and wishing I'd indulged in a few pharmaceuticals. I knew the
next day would be agony. But all in all, I have to say, this was my
most fun time in Vegas to date. Virtually no time wasted on pointless
industry parties and no hours spent sucking up to self-important porn
hacks. Just maximum amount of alcohol-fueled fun sucked out of what's
usually an uninspiring and exhausting "business trip!"
[Written Jan. 2007]
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